ketchup

Haven't updated in a minute, readership. Also, I haven't been food-journaling and I don't think I am going to, at least not on this blog - I may do it IRL, though I haven't fully decided if I'll do that either. One of the reasons I decided it against it is that I'd like for this blog to be less of a tedious read, which I've found it can be after having reviewed old posts recently.

Quick note about work before I get to the meat and potatoes: it is still a challenge but I am getting better and better at handling it. I assume this will only continue to get better, rather I'll keep getting more adept at managing at work. Which is all I need to eventually excel.

I am smack-dab in the middle of the 21-day detox (this is similar, but I found the detox I am doing in Whole Living magazine) and this past week has been riddled with food cravings. I have adjusted to not having caffeine, but I sincerely miss a good cup o' joe and have found myself gazing longingly at the various coffee machines I pass at work on a daily basis. But my life without caffeine is subtly yet noticeably better. I sleep more deeply and awake more refreshed. I have plenty of energy and can maintain focus for extended periods of time. When my concentration and energy flag, my knee-jerk, Pavlovian reaction is to want a cup of coffee. It's occurring to me now that sometimes I am just going to be tired. It's normal, especially after multiple hours of being absorbed in my work. Also - and this is a biggie - I feel so much more relaxed, I am able to let go of nagging thoughts more easily and for the first time maybe ever I often do not feel anxious at all.
The food has been, by and large, super flavorful, satisfying and delicious, which I am convinced is the only reason I am still in it. Were the food disgusting, I doubt I would have lasted a week. I will say that the meals require loads of planning and preparation and I have been scrambling to keep up with it all. I think food-planning and -prep (in addition to different and sometimes new foods) take some getting used to and it has been one of the more unexpected, trying demands of the detox.
I still eat too quickly and too much sometimes. My thought or hope is that I will learn how to manage that over time, as well. First, I think it's enough to get used to an almost-entirely-vegan, gluten-free diet.
And then there's alcohol - yeah, what should I say about alcohol? I miss it and then again I totally don't. Not drinking affords me the following securities - no hangovers ever, lower caloric intake, saves money, fewer situations that I regret or feel ashamed of in retrospect. Also, and I hate to say this, but people fucking reek when they are drinking. On the other hand, abstaining from alcohol is socially isolating. Try telling pretty much anyone that you are not drinking at the moment or that you flat out don't drink at all. 10 bucks says they look at you like this. (see confused dog)
Last week I hung around for free beer Thursday at work and it was totally fine. I had fun, did not want for one drop of alcohol and enjoyed people's company - side note: depending on the person, drunk people can be downright enjoyable, save the shittily sloppy ones. But this week I have been craving whiskey so I thought it best to avoid being around alcohol all together. In the mean time, I have turned down opportunities to hang out with my Berlitz buddies and to bond with my new co-workers at BP. First world problems, I know. There will be more opportunities, I get it. It's just new for me to turn down the chance to hang out people I love/people I want to get know better. It would appear that that will take some getting used to as well.
I cannot help but wonder from time-to-time what will stay and what will go at the end of the detox. I am not worrying about it, just considering it with as much curiosity and as little fear as possible. I hope my decisions are based solely on what's best for me, with little regard for what other people think or expect of me.
Working out has gotten off to a slow start since having joined my new gym, but that's kind of the way I want it. I don't want to come out of the gates at full speed only to peter off just as I am making real strides. I went at the beginning of the week and didn't find time to go the rest of the week because of a few movie dates with friends (a nice excuse, I think). But, I have been doing a good job at following this fab abs February plan at home before I leave for work in the mornings, as a sort of ersatz mug of java. I missed yesterday, but I can totally make up for it today. Also, I want to work out today and tomorrow.

At any rate, readership, that's about it for what's been going on with me. Have a nice weekend!

kinda thrilling

Hey y'all, I've got a handful of interesting/pretty exciting things to share today.
First and foremost, I noticed another slight change/shift at work today. Today was the first time since I've started my new job that I can recall A) not having to look up the meanings of words nearly as much (I still do sometimes and write them down, but that's mostly because I am nerd) and B) getting more creative with sentence structure more than just isolated words. My co-worker calls it gettin funky on the mic, which was fresh and hilarious the first time I heard it. Now it's like a catchy track that you love but have heard so much on the radio, that you wish DJs would stop playing it so that you won't eventually despise it. So, basically I am getting accustomed to translating for meaning (which I think is really the crux of it all) and starting to develop a work flow. Also, I am way less stressed out.
Secondly, 21 day detox begins tomorrow! :) Rayf and I got supplies this evening, the juicer has been delivered to the kitchen at work and tomorrow is go time. I am looking forward to it.
Thirdly, I joined a super awesome gym this evening. Oh God, so so many exclamation points. And, unbeknownst to me, my company BP is a partner of theirs, SO as a BP employee I get a membership at a discounted price. But wait, y'all. As a BP employee, I don't get just any membership, I get a mothereffing premium membership. I've never had a premium anything. What's more, I pay less for my premium membership than non-affiliated members pay for a basic membership packed. PLUS I walked away with all kinds of free shit today (like a booksack; books about exercise, health and nutrition; protein supplements) and I will have access to a sauna, cardio equipment, weight lifting machines, classes and a full-on motherflipping PERSONAL TRAINER. You name it, I have access to it. Words do not do justice to how impressed, grateful and fucking pumped I am about all of this!
Anyway, long story short, I had a great day, despite having been exhausted and headachy almost all day. I will of course write more tomorrow, but for now I have to rest.

PS

Just a note about food-journaling (and a personal reference for the next month):
"Track what, when, and where you eat, as well as how you feel before, during, and after. This heightens your awareness and transforms your relationship with food."

detox

Tomorrow won't be the official start of the detox, but it's ok. It doesn't so much matter when we start (got my super-boo joining and supporting me! I'm a lucky gal, it's true). What's more important is getting our ducks in a row and having each others' backs, I think.
Anyway, it is recommended that you write down five things that the detox means to you and what you hope to achieve, so I couldn't think of a better platform for doing that:
1) This detox means answering my body's call for more attention and care. I hope that this detox will give me a clearer idea of what my body wants and needs.
2) I haven't been feeling my best for what feels like too long. I hope I come out feeling lighter and more energetic.
3) I have been ignoring some of the signals my body sends me about possible food allergies. May this detox make it so that that is no longer possible.
4) Self-doubt has been clouding my resolve. I hope this detox will fan the flames that is my desire for optimum health.
5) I want to make sure that I am looking no where else but within for love and happiness. If I find them externally, excellent; but, I don't want to need external validation for either of those things. May this practice somehow connect me with the love and happiness I already have in me.

The detox also recommends keeping a food journal, so if it's not too tedious for you readership, I'll use this bloggy as a platform for that, as well. I will start tomorrow.
Oooh, this is exciting ... looking into joining a new gym tomorrow. It's very close to where I work and offers cardio equipment AND classes all in one spot. That's the best of both worlds, of course. We'll see ... like I've said, feeling good about shit. And the fact that I can say that without hesitation makes me immensely happy, grateful and proud of how far I've come.

waiting for the drop

And I ain't talkin about no goddamn dubstep. I just sent an e-mail to my roommate letting him know that I've decided to move out. I am pretty sure he'll be pissed but I am also just as sure that I don't give a fuck. Living situations don't work out all the time, and this just happens to be one of those times. I am truly sorry it didn't work out, mainly because now it means I have to move. A new co-worker has a place that is coming available in less than a month (during the shortest month of the year), which is sooner than the amount of notice I am supposed to give (which is a whopping and not-totally-surprisingly unreasonable 3 months). I told my roommate that I did not want to stay until April or May, that I am more than willing to help him find someone to take my place and that it shouldn't be too difficult to find someone willing to move in soon. This was my attempt at imploring him to be reasonable (and human) about all this, since I recently witnessed how he kind of wasn't with the other roommate who just moved out without giving 3 months notice. So, yeah ... waiting to see how it turns out.
Tomorrow (hopefully) marks the beginning of the detox I want to do. Here's to a successful flush!
Also, here's to getting a bike some time next week!
I am thinking about joining a new gym, also. This one is very close to my new company and it would allow me access to cardio equipment, which is awesome for times like now when it is fucking frigid outside. We'll see how that goes, as well.
Also, here's to a(nother) productive week at work.

I know what that thing is ...

The thing that needs to change is my attitude. I think overall I have a great attitude, but I still have some super negative thought patterns and beliefs running around upstairs. Also, there are some self-nullifying ideas that I want to let go of ... like when I am feeling gross, instead of calling myself gross, I want to get some exercise. Or meditate. Or journal. Or go for a walk. Anything but reinforce these cruel words that I have been internalizing since my childhood. I am not a child any more and I don't want to live the way I did then now. And I am the only person capable of doing something about it. Not only that, but I happen to believe that Sarah D is particularly capable of taking good care of herself (I don't normally do this referring to myself in the third person thing, but that sentence was sounding pretty jacked up in my head without it).
What's more, I think it's in my best interest to not let other people's negativity get to me. I can't always help being around it, but I can help how it makes me feel. I can also stop letting it dictate how I think about myself. Some people are just assholes ... it's really not my problem and I am tired of letting things like that get to me.
Like I keep saying, baby steps. But god dammit, I deserve to love myself and be happy and I see it as my mission that I have both of those things.

holy mother

So, I have been feeling gross for the past couple of days. Been feeling very compressed and heavy in my belly. I lifted up my shirt to survey the damage and sweet God in heaven if it doesn't look like I've put on 10 pounds since I last checked. Sad sad sad face, readership.
Something has got to change ...

forecast for tonight: dark

I hate to admit this, but this new job has made it impossible to ignore how paranoid I can be. Other than a fleeting annoyance that I don't automatically already know all the ins and outs, I am pretty sure nobody is hawkeyeing me and taking note of every single fuck up. Actually, most everybody seems to be crazy busy and, therefore, doesn't have time to do such a thing. Also, nobody cares, because I am pretty sure I am expected to be kind of a hot mess right now (that and it's not like I am the CEO). Not to mention, me worrying about somebody watching my every move wouldn't stop them from doing it were they already so inclined. *ahem, current creepazoid roomate, I am looking at you*

Anteeway readership, we've reached that point in the day, in which I eat and think like vegetables. Until next time, children -- which prob won't be tomorrow considering it's our favorite day of the week, Free Beer Thursday. Some people work for the weekend. I work for Free Beer Thursday. Friday evening through Sunday are just lagniappe.