I know what that thing is ...

The thing that needs to change is my attitude. I think overall I have a great attitude, but I still have some super negative thought patterns and beliefs running around upstairs. Also, there are some self-nullifying ideas that I want to let go of ... like when I am feeling gross, instead of calling myself gross, I want to get some exercise. Or meditate. Or journal. Or go for a walk. Anything but reinforce these cruel words that I have been internalizing since my childhood. I am not a child any more and I don't want to live the way I did then now. And I am the only person capable of doing something about it. Not only that, but I happen to believe that Sarah D is particularly capable of taking good care of herself (I don't normally do this referring to myself in the third person thing, but that sentence was sounding pretty jacked up in my head without it).
What's more, I think it's in my best interest to not let other people's negativity get to me. I can't always help being around it, but I can help how it makes me feel. I can also stop letting it dictate how I think about myself. Some people are just assholes ... it's really not my problem and I am tired of letting things like that get to me.
Like I keep saying, baby steps. But god dammit, I deserve to love myself and be happy and I see it as my mission that I have both of those things.