excerpts

"My weight history has been the greatest challenge and struggle of my life. It has been exhausting, tiring. It has led to a life-long battle with self-loathing, crushing body image issues and general defeat. It has been wrought with disparaging ups and downs. However, I'm positive that great genius, meaning and purpose lies within this struggle.
The weight loss -- and resulting vibrancy, radiance, self-confidence, increased energy, endurance and strength -- that I enjoyed a few years ago was THE greatest achievement of my life. And watching it rather rapidly slip away has been terribly painful. Recovering from the experience that caused the rapid weight-gain has been trying. In fact, it feels as though I am just now coming out of the woods."
"The biggest, greatest 'up' of my weight history corresponds to a small shift in my consciousness. I had seen a hypnotherapist a few times and he helped me make certain connections that I'd never made before. For instance, I finally realized that my health is a function of loving and caring for myself, which was pretty revolutionary . . . especially considering that before I'd only ever wanted to look 'right.' I realized that I needed to give myself kindness, that I needed to be gentle. I also realized that I needed a slow, steady approach to weight loss. I made small changes and gave myself lots of time to grow accustomed to them. And eventually, over a period of about 1.5-2 years, I achieved great success. This was easily the happiest time of my adult life.
"The 'low' corresponds directly to moving in with my parents and reverting to old behaviors and patterns of thinking. It was all very toxic. I started re-gaining weight basically as soon as I moved back to Lafayette. I was frustrated, angry, depressed. I felt hopeless. After being there for about a year, I started having panic attacks. It was an awful period and it has taken quite some time just to believe that I will come out of it.
"Thankfully, I can say today that I know I will recover. I trust that there was something from that experience that I needed to learn."
"The lesson, the practice, the meditation this go 'round has been patience. Patience! Trust the process. Keep at it. Believe in yourself and the results will follow."
"If I am honest, a part of me is dubious and fearful, but I cannot give those feelings energy by dedicating thought to them. I simply cannot afford to believe those lies. I believe that our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. That we attract what we feel, think and believe. That we create our reality, our very existence. So, I must dedicate my time and energy to positivity, kindness and love . . . even if sometimes I'm faking it."