Wednesday, July 7 "last week" of boot camp

I don't have too long to write before boot camp, but I did want to get some stuff on the page before jetting off to squat my way into exhaustion.
I've been thinking a lot about my interactions with people and about how my ego's constant need to be right (in order to stay alive and thriving) gets in the way of my relationships with people. I've been thinking about how I am growing tired of this persistent drive to be regarded as "smart" and "right." But then yesterday afternoon, I was thinking, how can "I" be growing tired of "me?" There must two different entities present for one to have had its fill of the other. Which is not to say that people can't grow tired of certain character flaws, but this feels different. Because, I have the distinct feeling that these ways of mine that I find unsavory are not really me. That, in fact, it's the real me who has had enough of the pettiness, paranoia and right-fighting. Just last night, it occurred to me that maybe the reason I'm sensing a flare in this ego-centered behavior is because my ego is dying and struggling to maintain dominance and control.
I have this desire to apologize for what I just wrote, but I'm not going to give in to that. That's the truth. That's what I am honestly thinking and feeling and hopefully someone identifies with and maybe even understands it. A'ight. Gotta make my way out to Hixson for some ass-kicking . . .