post secret

I like to check the Post Secret blog every Sunday - I've been doing so for the last three or four years, I'd say. I like to read them because it feels a little like snooping and because it reminds me that no one has got it all figured out. I don't recall seeing too many secrets that I connected with on a significant level, until I ran across this one just a few minutes ago.
Years ago I realized that if I wanted to make a change, I'd have to start from the inside. I started doing some inspecting, some snooping around - what was it like in there? How did I feel about myself and about life? I didn't take too much digging to find a scared and lonely little girl who was terrified of screwing up and who wanted nothing more than a little love and tenderness. Ever since then, I've tried to take care of that little girl. Sometimes I've done a better job than others. Sometimes I am really understanding and patient with her but I think most of the time I am harsh and short-tempered with her (no wonder she's so terrified of making mistakes!). It is exactly this inner environment (along with other poor habits and decisions) that keeps me sick. This secret reminded me that I want to take better care of that little girl still in me.

One thing I wanted to do, was identify some habits I've noticed over the past week that lead to overeating. The biggest problem I've noticed is that I'll buy "snacks" (rolls, hummus, crackers, dried fruit) from some of the places close to work and none of it is portioned out, so I eat too much of it 10 times out of 10. If I want to snack, I need to stick to fruit or I need to plan them in advance just like my regular meals. A couple days last week, I got the healthiest looking thing from this coffee shop just outside the subway stop close to work, but the damn thing is loaded with butter and sugar. Eating one of those in the morning primes me for wanting more bread, fat and sugar for the whole rest of the day. So, no more "flap jacks."

Alright, as much as I'd like to keep tippity typing, I gotta get back to work and finish this thing I've been putting off for weeks. I don't know what it is about this task, but I have been absolutely digging in my heels at the thought of it. Left to my own devices, I can (and do) produce loads of albeit not award-winning content, but the second someone's like, "Hey, write all this crap for me," my eyes bulge in terror and I shrink into myself like a scared turtle. And I sit there, frozen, not able to move a muscle. Anyway, I am still totally avoiding this task, soooo gotta go!

Happy Sunday, everyone. I believe in all of you!