Strong tobacco

Hey kittens,

I've been away for a while because of vacay and so many other things that I cannot get into at the moment.
I just had to share something, if for no other reason, to release it from my mind. Some of my closest friends eva came to visit a few weeks ago and, seeing as I've been feeling particularly uncomfortable in my skin, I tried to avoid the camera as much as possible. I did make it into a few shots and seeing them, taken from all different angles and degrees of candidness, was, as the Germans say, strong tobacco. In other words, seeing those pictures of myself was such a shock, that it's taken the wind out of me. I am almost speechless at my girth. It is no wonder I am not smiling in hardly any of the pictures I didn't know were being taken of me. I've reached a clear high and low, which is never fun, but I have choices.
I can shame myself, bury my head in the sand and continue killing myself slowly. Or I can decide to love and care for myself a little bit more every day. For reasons I cannot explain, the stakes have gone way, way up in my life, so option two is the only way to go, if I ever hope to be happy.

Strong tobacco is strong.