Real (fat) talk

Oh my loves,

I started a fab weight-loss memoir yesterday and have not been able to put it down since. It is... so many things that I am not sure where to begin. The accuracy with which she describes some of the experiences that you can, more or less, be promised as an obese woman is head-noddingly, painfully accurate. She is an inspiration, not only because of her dedication and patience, but also because she accomplished something I could only dream of. She started a blog detailing her weight loss journey (um, hi) and eventually penned two books about her experiences of losing-gaining-losing and re-gaining a staggering amount of weight. Dudes, I am trying not to be jealous, but I am totally kind of jealous.
When I was younger, I always considered myself a writer, in that I often found myself writing. I have kept a journal from a very young age, with some regularity. I LOVED creative writing in school, especially when it came to expressing my emotions or working through troubling things from my past (hello again), though I never so much cared for writing essays or research papers. Or fiction. I take that back. I never gave writing fiction that much of a go and, the few times I did, I wrote some steaming piles and gave up in discouragement. My freshman year of college, I had a professor who loved student adoration and knew exactly how to elicit it, and I was too young to realize he was a bit inappropriate and not the final word on anything other than Dante's Divine Comedy. Sure, he had plenty of interesting, valuable things to teach me, but he inadvertently crushed my hyper-sensitive writer's spirit with some unfair feedback on a terribly written essay of mine. That was over ten years ago, I am ashamed to admit, and only recently have I been able to let it go and say, "oh man, fuck that guy so hard." I love writing and I think I finally understand that it is a process: editing is my very good friend and no one shits gold.
I think I have a definite voice that is as strong as my IRL personality, which I am not afraid to say is shining. So, what's the difference between PastaQueen and me? She actually lost weight, that's what. More importantly, she used her blog to hold herself accountable. So, here it is, y'all: I weigh 116 kg (kilograms feel not so intimidating for me, for some reason). My goal weight is 70 kg - this is about how much I weighed when I was the fittest I'd ever been in my adult life. I felt radiantly healthy, strong, confident and like I could conquer the world. And I deserve to feel that way again. I don't have a "plan" as of yet, but I will start thinking of things I can add to my life that make me feel all those things, even though I am a long way away from weighing 70 kg. Because, yes Sarah, you even deserve to feel that way right now.

Baby steps, for they are still steps!