It's been a minute, I know. And I haven't been posting every day like I promised a few months ago. All I can do is begin again right where I am.
I don't know that I've ever written about my food addiction, but I am definitely a food addict and I feel powerless right now. It's in control and it dictates how I eat and how I feel about myself. I don't know that I have any insights beyond that, but I felt the need to say it and own it.
I feel scared and alone. All I can do is keep posting in the meantime.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Accountability
I was supposed to go to the gym yesterday, but I didn't. What I did instead, was get off of the subway one stop early so as to enjoy a longer walk home. The walk was brisk, pinky swear! More importantly, though, it was enjoyable, albeit cold. I also did about 5-7 minutes of Pilates before I went to bed. Overall that did not amount to that much exercise, but I was pleased that I took the time to inject some motion into my day.
I did go to the gym today and did about 35 minutes of cardio and about 10 minutes of strength training. My goal is to get cardio most days every week and do some kind of strength training at least twice a week. I totally think that's doable.
I also managed to step on the scale before I left, which is something that always strikes fear into my heart. The number is too high, but at least it's lower than the last time I stepped on a scale. That was quite some time ago though, so whatever I've been doing over the past few months clearly hasn't been working. I am going to keep weighing myself like I promised, because I think it will help me stay accountable to myself.
My eating was clean today. All I need to do is plan so that I have to make significantly fewer decisions about food during the day. The goal right now is to watch my carbs and eat mostly plant-based, portion-controlled meals.
Since this past weekend, I've been consciously loving myself more (a la Louise Hay) and I can already feel a difference. I am convinced self-love has to be the driving force behind the changes I wish to make.Not only that, but how could anything bad ever come from loving myself?
That's it for now, kittens. I believe in all of you!
I did go to the gym today and did about 35 minutes of cardio and about 10 minutes of strength training. My goal is to get cardio most days every week and do some kind of strength training at least twice a week. I totally think that's doable.
I also managed to step on the scale before I left, which is something that always strikes fear into my heart. The number is too high, but at least it's lower than the last time I stepped on a scale. That was quite some time ago though, so whatever I've been doing over the past few months clearly hasn't been working. I am going to keep weighing myself like I promised, because I think it will help me stay accountable to myself.
My eating was clean today. All I need to do is plan so that I have to make significantly fewer decisions about food during the day. The goal right now is to watch my carbs and eat mostly plant-based, portion-controlled meals.
Since this past weekend, I've been consciously loving myself more (a la Louise Hay) and I can already feel a difference. I am convinced self-love has to be the driving force behind the changes I wish to make.Not only that, but how could anything bad ever come from loving myself?
That's it for now, kittens. I believe in all of you!
Monday, March 25, 2013
you can't be mad at yourself all the time
The boyf has been working on a project at work that he really cares about and enjoys. He was detailing what he's been working on for the past week and said how pleased he was with the outcome. I told him I was proud of him and he said that he was proud of himself and added something to the effect of, "You can't be mad at yourself all the time." What he said was not in any way directed at me, but it unexpectedly hit a nerve. In that moment, I realized that I'd dropped the ball recently in liking, much less loving, myself and, in a rush, I felt the toll that that takes on my entire person. This past weekend, I made a concerted effort to be gentler with and kinder to myself and this is my pledge to keep it up!
This past weekend, I remembered the "change comes from within" lesson I've learned and forgotten a handful of times over the years. So this is my pledge to commit time every day to loving myself. I honestly do not believe positive change will be possible without it.
The new "diet" hasn't been going as well as it could, also because of some self-hate and because I haven't been dedicating enough time to meal-planning.
Also, I haven't forgotten about my promise to weigh myself on a regular basis to stay accountable. Going to the gym tonight and, as much as I don't want to, I will weigh myself then.
K, gotta jet. More later! I believe in all of you!
This past weekend, I remembered the "change comes from within" lesson I've learned and forgotten a handful of times over the years. So this is my pledge to commit time every day to loving myself. I honestly do not believe positive change will be possible without it.
The new "diet" hasn't been going as well as it could, also because of some self-hate and because I haven't been dedicating enough time to meal-planning.
Also, I haven't forgotten about my promise to weigh myself on a regular basis to stay accountable. Going to the gym tonight and, as much as I don't want to, I will weigh myself then.
K, gotta jet. More later! I believe in all of you!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
real quick
I gotta get this off my chest real quick - I am dealing with some serious self-doubt today. Feeling like I'll never figure this out :/ I hope that I turn my negative attitude around, but I wanted to put it out there regardless.
More later.
More later.
Monday, March 11, 2013
derailed
Alright, so I did some poking around into the LOGI Method, which is basically a low glycemic index diet, if I am not mistaken. I've been wanting to look more into that recently anyway and it seems to be ok. The only thing I cannot get excited about it baked beans straight outta the can, which some examples suggest. At any rate, I am willing to give it a try as of, let's say, Thursday/Friday of this week. Things haven't been going great in terms of portion control, so I welcome to changeroo.
Working out got totally derailed last week thanks to illness. I should keep riding pine until my cough has gotten a little better, but I don't want to milk that any longer than Wednesday of this week.
One thing that just occurred to me is that while this blog is good for keeping me plugged in, keeping me motivated, I need something that will hold me more accountable than never checking on progress. So I pledge to start weighing myself every two weeks, as much as I really hate doing that. What doesn't kill us, right?
I really want to see results and I have to be willing to make changes if I ever hope to see the progress I've been dreaming about for the past four to five years. Turns out you've gotta do more than just dream about it.
Today it's all I can do to believe in myself, but I still believe in all of you!
Working out got totally derailed last week thanks to illness. I should keep riding pine until my cough has gotten a little better, but I don't want to milk that any longer than Wednesday of this week.
One thing that just occurred to me is that while this blog is good for keeping me plugged in, keeping me motivated, I need something that will hold me more accountable than never checking on progress. So I pledge to start weighing myself every two weeks, as much as I really hate doing that. What doesn't kill us, right?
I really want to see results and I have to be willing to make changes if I ever hope to see the progress I've been dreaming about for the past four to five years. Turns out you've gotta do more than just dream about it.
Today it's all I can do to believe in myself, but I still believe in all of you!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
experimentin'
Happy Weekend, everyone!
Again, nothing earth-shattering on my part. Just that I'll be looking into a new "diet" (sorry guys, it's all in German) this weekend to see if it's a viable option for me. Normally when it comes to diets, I am not at all a believer, as I think they are inherently flawed. Diets are things that you begin and end and I believe that weight loss should be the result of a lifestyle change - that is, if you want to be able to maintain it. I prefer to think of a diet as what it actually is; namely, the food you use to fuel your body every day. I believe if a diet doesn't appeal to you, if you cannot see yourself eating that way for an extended period of time, it will only grant you short-term success. But that's not what I am looking for at all. I'll let you know what I find out.
I believe in all of you!
Again, nothing earth-shattering on my part. Just that I'll be looking into a new "diet" (sorry guys, it's all in German) this weekend to see if it's a viable option for me. Normally when it comes to diets, I am not at all a believer, as I think they are inherently flawed. Diets are things that you begin and end and I believe that weight loss should be the result of a lifestyle change - that is, if you want to be able to maintain it. I prefer to think of a diet as what it actually is; namely, the food you use to fuel your body every day. I believe if a diet doesn't appeal to you, if you cannot see yourself eating that way for an extended period of time, it will only grant you short-term success. But that's not what I am looking for at all. I'll let you know what I find out.
I believe in all of you!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
behind
How quickly things fall to the wayside. How's that saying go again? The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Oh well - No use crying over spilled milk.
I don't have much to report at the moment since I've been sick and laying low for the past couple days, but I promise to be more on my game about posting erry day.
I believe in all of you!
I don't have much to report at the moment since I've been sick and laying low for the past couple days, but I promise to be more on my game about posting erry day.
I believe in all of you!
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