So last night I totally did not make it to the gym, but I'll tell you what I did instead: I walked around my neighborhood for about a half hour after work last night and then I did a half hour of pilates when I got home. Not bad, if I do say so myself.
Today has not been a great food day, in that I definitely ate too much for lunch and I've been eating chocolate with wreckless abandon. Honestly though, I am not going to freak out about it because it's already done. (Though it might not be a terrible idea to skip dindin.) All I can do is move on and focus on doing better tomorrow.
I am not sure what I'll do in the way of working out, but pilates is looking like a frontrunner, considering how much I usually enjoy it.
Oh god, y'all! I gotta tell you about this, as embarrassing as it may be. So, I've been eating mostly plant-based foods which can sometimes lead to pretty ruthless gas. Yesterday it was particularly awful and it seemed like it was only getting worse as the day wore on, so I did a quick google search to find natural remedies for terrible flatulence. I chose to chew on some raw ginger, because I don't like the licoricey flavor of fennel, and it was INTENSE, to say the least. But it completely worked and that is totally exciting.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
how quickly they forget
The day is nearing its end and it just occurred to me that I pledged to post in this bloggy every day. See post title. Whatever, at least I remembered, right? Maybe this is a useful reminder to be less critical towards myself.
Day 3 of eat-less-than-you-normally-would was not quite as successful as Days 1 and 2, in that I definitely ate too much for breakfast and lunch. A downfall of all three days has been relatively unbridled snacking. Granted, I've been noshing on hummus and gluten-free crackers and fruit, but still. I need to plan my snacking, as well as my meals (which I've been doing for the past few weeks. I used to resist it like the plague before, but now I can't imagine shopping and cooking any other way). I hereby forbid myself from eating straight out of the box/bag of anything. Except for dried apricots (no sugar added!)! They have what I will call a weird, not wholly unfamiliar, texture that makes them easy to resist/eat reasonably.
I kind of don't want to go to the gym tonight, even though I really need to. My resistance to going to the gym is not as great as it was last week, but due mostly to the fact that I have to make up some time I lost for an apartment-viewing I had to go to on Monday (gettin' rid of my cozy little place and moving in with ma boo:)). In other words, I will be at work kind of late and I am tired and grumpy and ready to take off my tights and watch Game of Thrones. I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes.
PS -- I am open to suggestions for how to refocus this blog and make it more readable. Hit me up if you have some ideas!
Day 3 of eat-less-than-you-normally-would was not quite as successful as Days 1 and 2, in that I definitely ate too much for breakfast and lunch. A downfall of all three days has been relatively unbridled snacking. Granted, I've been noshing on hummus and gluten-free crackers and fruit, but still. I need to plan my snacking, as well as my meals (which I've been doing for the past few weeks. I used to resist it like the plague before, but now I can't imagine shopping and cooking any other way). I hereby forbid myself from eating straight out of the box/bag of anything. Except for dried apricots (no sugar added!)! They have what I will call a weird, not wholly unfamiliar, texture that makes them easy to resist/eat reasonably.
I kind of don't want to go to the gym tonight, even though I really need to. My resistance to going to the gym is not as great as it was last week, but due mostly to the fact that I have to make up some time I lost for an apartment-viewing I had to go to on Monday (gettin' rid of my cozy little place and moving in with ma boo:)). In other words, I will be at work kind of late and I am tired and grumpy and ready to take off my tights and watch Game of Thrones. I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes.
PS -- I am open to suggestions for how to refocus this blog and make it more readable. Hit me up if you have some ideas!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Steppin up my game
It has been a hot, hot minute since I've posted anything and, for that, I offer my sincerest apologies and regrets. A LOT has changed in my life over the past few months. For starters, I got myself a boo :) which is exciting, but has created some major upheaval in my day-to-day. Needless to say, the pieces are beginning to settle and fall into place.
A few weeks ago, I finished the same cleanse I did last year and I've been working on deciding what I want my diet to look like now that the next few weeks of meals aren't already laid out for me. So far, I've been eating a mostly plant-based diet and, this week, my primary focus is making sure my portions are healthy, which is to say not too big. Left to my own devices, I will serve myself too much food almost 100% of the time, so it's about training my eyes to "see" what a normal portion looks like.
Beyond that, I am working on ramping up my activity levels so that I am getting cardio 30 minutes a day, five days a week and strength-training at least 2 days a week. The good news is that I've been working out regularly for the past two months, but the truth is that I can stand to be doing more.
Finally, I've decided I want to ramp up the amount of writing I do, otherwise 1000 posts will basically never happen. So, here's my commitment to posting something every day. It might not always be lengthy and it will assuredly not always be compelling, but dammit it'll be there. Sure this is positive and healthy for me, but it is my hope that something I write touches someone or inspires them to take their health and happiness into their own hands!
*Virtual hugs*
A few weeks ago, I finished the same cleanse I did last year and I've been working on deciding what I want my diet to look like now that the next few weeks of meals aren't already laid out for me. So far, I've been eating a mostly plant-based diet and, this week, my primary focus is making sure my portions are healthy, which is to say not too big. Left to my own devices, I will serve myself too much food almost 100% of the time, so it's about training my eyes to "see" what a normal portion looks like.
Beyond that, I am working on ramping up my activity levels so that I am getting cardio 30 minutes a day, five days a week and strength-training at least 2 days a week. The good news is that I've been working out regularly for the past two months, but the truth is that I can stand to be doing more.
Finally, I've decided I want to ramp up the amount of writing I do, otherwise 1000 posts will basically never happen. So, here's my commitment to posting something every day. It might not always be lengthy and it will assuredly not always be compelling, but dammit it'll be there. Sure this is positive and healthy for me, but it is my hope that something I write touches someone or inspires them to take their health and happiness into their own hands!
*Virtual hugs*
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Like a bunny
Oh, readership ... I have got kind of a lot going on, but I will keep this brief because some of these topics tire me to no end.
Work has been SUPER challenging and I haven't been enjoying it. My goals right now: keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep doing my best and try to hold out another six months and then re-evaluate. Sigh ... life's too short to hate where you spend the majority of your time. Bottom line.
However, I just recently heard about two different job openings (albeit in the States) that people specifically contacted me to apply for. This is mostly encouraging, but also slightly frustrating.
Love life is abysmal. No bites, no tugs, no nibbles. Cue tumble weed.
On to more up-lifting topics. I have been working out with a personal trainer for the past six weeks! I have not really lost much weight, but I do feel a difference in my body and energy level. On Thursday I have to get back on the scale and do another body fat reading, which I am not looking forward to. I am afraid it will only prove what I am afraid of, which is that I haven't made that much quantifiable progress. At any rate, Chris is my trainer. I remember seeing his picture at the gym, thinking aww, he looks like a sweetheart. I think that's the guy I want to work out with. I finally made an appointment with him after thinking that for months and went to the gym to meet up with him for a consultation. When I saw him for the first time I didn't want to believe the shocking difference between his picture and reality. Where was that goofy, slightly stoned looking kid with the sweet face? Who was this almost-robot? Certainly he wouldn't be able to give me the TLC I need. We went downstairs into the boxing studio, where he got things started with a few questions that I had the presence of mind to expect: why are you here; what are your goals; what is your fitness history? He of course wasn't rude, but he was not especially warm to say the least. BUT, and this is a big but, I could tell that he wasn't judging me, or at least he was doing it in such a way made it unnoticeable. Then, he worked me out ...
That, paired with his non-judgment, is precisely why I happily decided to work with him and have not regretted it for one moment.
He didn't have me do anything super cray cray, or so it seemed. The first exercise he mad me do was reach for my toes. As I easily reached down to the floor, he was like "Whoa, alright." He told me that I had a very good foundation and that we would be able to accomplish a lot together. I was more encouraged than I had been in YEARS, and that alone had me feeling light, inspired and excited. And he worked me out so well with the few exercises we did that I could barely walk for days after.
In the mean time, Chris has warmed up quite a bit and lately, he's been down right frisky! Just today, for instance, he was having me do the pictured exercise, only when I do it my top leg is also bent. Often when I do this exercise, I am prone to lifting my leg more forward than straight up. To keep me from doing this, he'll stand in front of the leg I am lifting to keep it in proper form and position. He was doing that and, as usual, my knee was brushing up against the leg of his break-away pants (don't think I haven't thought about giving them a sound tug). Today, though, he said in a well-I-never sort of tone, "Sarah! Are you trying to undress me?? I suddenly feel so naked ..." and then he feigned covering his nipples like an unexpectedly topless girl getting out of a pool. Not to mention him practically shouting, "Make Daddy proud," as I was doing fucking lunges. (sorry, I kind of hate lunges) Anyway, it's shit like this that makes me love you and relish our precious hour together, Chris the trainer. Umm, also. How shall I put this? Dude is a hotty with a body. I do my best not to drool, especially when he gets all turbo nurturing (he also does physical therapy and massage therapy). Ouch! The deafening tick-tock of my biological clock, is all I have to say.
So there's all this, which is big and a lot and ultra positive.
I have had the pleasure of going to lots of great concerts, as well. Last night I saw The Shins live for the first time and it was easily the best show I've been to in years. God dammit, even if for a hobby, I am going to start making music. Drum group on Thursdays and singing with my badass friend Audz.
Which leads me to the next bit of awesomeness ... I am appreciating more and more how unspeakably incredible the group of friends I have is. Starting at "more uplifting thoughts" and ending here are just a few, concrete examples that make me overflow with gratitude.
That is all for now.
Work has been SUPER challenging and I haven't been enjoying it. My goals right now: keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep doing my best and try to hold out another six months and then re-evaluate. Sigh ... life's too short to hate where you spend the majority of your time. Bottom line.
However, I just recently heard about two different job openings (albeit in the States) that people specifically contacted me to apply for. This is mostly encouraging, but also slightly frustrating.
Love life is abysmal. No bites, no tugs, no nibbles. Cue tumble weed.
On to more up-lifting topics. I have been working out with a personal trainer for the past six weeks! I have not really lost much weight, but I do feel a difference in my body and energy level. On Thursday I have to get back on the scale and do another body fat reading, which I am not looking forward to. I am afraid it will only prove what I am afraid of, which is that I haven't made that much quantifiable progress. At any rate, Chris is my trainer. I remember seeing his picture at the gym, thinking aww, he looks like a sweetheart. I think that's the guy I want to work out with. I finally made an appointment with him after thinking that for months and went to the gym to meet up with him for a consultation. When I saw him for the first time I didn't want to believe the shocking difference between his picture and reality. Where was that goofy, slightly stoned looking kid with the sweet face? Who was this almost-robot? Certainly he wouldn't be able to give me the TLC I need. We went downstairs into the boxing studio, where he got things started with a few questions that I had the presence of mind to expect: why are you here; what are your goals; what is your fitness history? He of course wasn't rude, but he was not especially warm to say the least. BUT, and this is a big but, I could tell that he wasn't judging me, or at least he was doing it in such a way made it unnoticeable. Then, he worked me out ...
That, paired with his non-judgment, is precisely why I happily decided to work with him and have not regretted it for one moment.
He didn't have me do anything super cray cray, or so it seemed. The first exercise he mad me do was reach for my toes. As I easily reached down to the floor, he was like "Whoa, alright." He told me that I had a very good foundation and that we would be able to accomplish a lot together. I was more encouraged than I had been in YEARS, and that alone had me feeling light, inspired and excited. And he worked me out so well with the few exercises we did that I could barely walk for days after.In the mean time, Chris has warmed up quite a bit and lately, he's been down right frisky! Just today, for instance, he was having me do the pictured exercise, only when I do it my top leg is also bent. Often when I do this exercise, I am prone to lifting my leg more forward than straight up. To keep me from doing this, he'll stand in front of the leg I am lifting to keep it in proper form and position. He was doing that and, as usual, my knee was brushing up against the leg of his break-away pants (don't think I haven't thought about giving them a sound tug). Today, though, he said in a well-I-never sort of tone, "Sarah! Are you trying to undress me?? I suddenly feel so naked ..." and then he feigned covering his nipples like an unexpectedly topless girl getting out of a pool. Not to mention him practically shouting, "Make Daddy proud," as I was doing fucking lunges. (sorry, I kind of hate lunges) Anyway, it's shit like this that makes me love you and relish our precious hour together, Chris the trainer. Umm, also. How shall I put this? Dude is a hotty with a body. I do my best not to drool, especially when he gets all turbo nurturing (he also does physical therapy and massage therapy). Ouch! The deafening tick-tock of my biological clock, is all I have to say.
So there's all this, which is big and a lot and ultra positive.
I have had the pleasure of going to lots of great concerts, as well. Last night I saw The Shins live for the first time and it was easily the best show I've been to in years. God dammit, even if for a hobby, I am going to start making music. Drum group on Thursdays and singing with my badass friend Audz.
Which leads me to the next bit of awesomeness ... I am appreciating more and more how unspeakably incredible the group of friends I have is. Starting at "more uplifting thoughts" and ending here are just a few, concrete examples that make me overflow with gratitude.
That is all for now.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
maya angelou
I am loving myself and feeling beautiful in my own skin again.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
moving out and on
Readership,
Big things on the horizon! Namely me moving into my very own apartment. It has not totally sunken in yet that it's really happening and that it will be all mine. It's kind of hard to know what to expect since I've never really had my own place, nor have I ever been the Hauptmieter of an apartment in Germany. But it's safe to say that I am excited and that I can hardly wait to start nesting. Exclamation points abound!
In spite of having no real reason to be depressed and agitated, I have been for at least the last week. I think the main reason is that I have been focusing a lot of mental energy on things that I don't like about myself and my life; more specifically, I spent a lot of time brooding on being too nice and on being lonely. My desire to please people, married with the natural inclination to avoid hurting people's feelings, often leads me to not taking care of myself. Whether it's not speaking my mind when I am angry or hurt or putting myself in situations that make me uncomfortable, this very old hand-me-down of a tendency is not serving me well. It has never served me well. I grew up seeing it serve at least two generations of other amazing women poorly, which I am positive is part of the problem. This is by no means something that I am just realizing, but I have grown weary of dealing with it. It makes me feel like a coward and that's not something I can respect or ever learn to embrace. And I am positive that if I never learn how to manage this thing - which is essentially a fear of abandonment/rejection - then I will never stop running into this problem. I will never stop showing people that they can walk all over me and I will accept it with a shrug and I will never quite feel like I know how to get along with people. So there was all that.
Then there was this sense of loneliness that was so heavy that I felt pinned under its weight all week. I will try to keep this short because I am so beyond sick of hearing myself bitch and moan about this. But I think it deserves to be noted that I made an important realization about this shit the other day. I have been single for years and, while I usually say that I am content to being single, I realized that that's total horseshit and that I've been lying to myself about it for a long time. Happy people don't yearn to be happier, right? Along those same lines, if I am happy being single then I would not consistently be so whiny and annoying about not having a boyfriend. There is a lot of old shit wrapped up in this issue as well, but I said I was going to keep this short so I'll get to the point. I think it's time to go back to therapy!
Not listed in any particular order, the five main things I want to work on are - my health, self-confidence, people-pleasing, relationship status and hypersensitivity.
Phew. Do feel a little better after having gotten some of that off my chest. Gotta go now, though - gotta keep packing.
Big things on the horizon! Namely me moving into my very own apartment. It has not totally sunken in yet that it's really happening and that it will be all mine. It's kind of hard to know what to expect since I've never really had my own place, nor have I ever been the Hauptmieter of an apartment in Germany. But it's safe to say that I am excited and that I can hardly wait to start nesting. Exclamation points abound!
In spite of having no real reason to be depressed and agitated, I have been for at least the last week. I think the main reason is that I have been focusing a lot of mental energy on things that I don't like about myself and my life; more specifically, I spent a lot of time brooding on being too nice and on being lonely. My desire to please people, married with the natural inclination to avoid hurting people's feelings, often leads me to not taking care of myself. Whether it's not speaking my mind when I am angry or hurt or putting myself in situations that make me uncomfortable, this very old hand-me-down of a tendency is not serving me well. It has never served me well. I grew up seeing it serve at least two generations of other amazing women poorly, which I am positive is part of the problem. This is by no means something that I am just realizing, but I have grown weary of dealing with it. It makes me feel like a coward and that's not something I can respect or ever learn to embrace. And I am positive that if I never learn how to manage this thing - which is essentially a fear of abandonment/rejection - then I will never stop running into this problem. I will never stop showing people that they can walk all over me and I will accept it with a shrug and I will never quite feel like I know how to get along with people. So there was all that.
Then there was this sense of loneliness that was so heavy that I felt pinned under its weight all week. I will try to keep this short because I am so beyond sick of hearing myself bitch and moan about this. But I think it deserves to be noted that I made an important realization about this shit the other day. I have been single for years and, while I usually say that I am content to being single, I realized that that's total horseshit and that I've been lying to myself about it for a long time. Happy people don't yearn to be happier, right? Along those same lines, if I am happy being single then I would not consistently be so whiny and annoying about not having a boyfriend. There is a lot of old shit wrapped up in this issue as well, but I said I was going to keep this short so I'll get to the point. I think it's time to go back to therapy!
Not listed in any particular order, the five main things I want to work on are - my health, self-confidence, people-pleasing, relationship status and hypersensitivity.
Phew. Do feel a little better after having gotten some of that off my chest. Gotta go now, though - gotta keep packing.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
ketchup
Haven't updated in a minute, readership. Also, I haven't been food-journaling and I don't think I am going to, at least not on this blog - I may do it IRL, though I haven't fully decided if I'll do that either. One of the reasons I decided it against it is that I'd like for this blog to be less of a tedious read, which I've found it can be after having reviewed old posts recently.
Quick note about work before I get to the meat and potatoes: it is still a challenge but I am getting better and better at handling it. I assume this will only continue to get better, rather I'll keep getting more adept at managing at work. Which is all I need to eventually excel.
I am smack-dab in the middle of the 21-day detox (this is similar, but I found the detox I am doing in Whole Living magazine) and this past week has been riddled with food cravings. I have adjusted to not having caffeine, but I sincerely miss a good cup o' joe and have found myself gazing longingly at the various coffee machines I pass at work on a daily basis. But my life without caffeine is subtly yet noticeably better. I sleep more deeply and awake more refreshed. I have plenty of energy and can maintain focus for extended periods of time. When my concentration and energy flag, my knee-jerk, Pavlovian reaction is to want a cup of coffee. It's occurring to me now that sometimes I am just going to be tired. It's normal, especially after multiple hours of being absorbed in my work. Also - and this is a biggie - I feel so much more relaxed, I am able to let go of nagging thoughts more easily and for the first time maybe ever I often do not feel anxious at all.
The food has been, by and large, super flavorful, satisfying and delicious, which I am convinced is the only reason I am still in it. Were the food disgusting, I doubt I would have lasted a week. I will say that the meals require loads of planning and preparation and I have been scrambling to keep up with it all. I think food-planning and -prep (in addition to different and sometimes new foods) take some getting used to and it has been one of the more unexpected, trying demands of the detox.
I still eat too quickly and too much sometimes. My thought or hope is that I will learn how to manage that over time, as well. First, I think it's enough to get used to an almost-entirely-vegan, gluten-free diet.
And then there's alcohol - yeah, what should I say about alcohol? I miss it and then again I totally don't. Not drinking affords me the following securities - no hangovers ever, lower caloric intake, saves money, fewer situations that I regret or feel ashamed of in retrospect. Also, and I hate to say this, but people fucking reek when they are drinking. On the other hand, abstaining from alcohol is socially isolating. Try telling pretty much anyone that you are not drinking at the moment or that you flat out don't drink at all. 10 bucks says they look at you like this. (see confused dog)
Last week I hung around for free beer Thursday at work and it was totally fine. I had fun, did not want for one drop of alcohol and enjoyed people's company - side note: depending on the person, drunk people can be downright enjoyable, save the shittily sloppy ones. But this week I have been craving whiskey so I thought it best to avoid being around alcohol all together. In the mean time, I have turned down opportunities to hang out with my Berlitz buddies and to bond with my new co-workers at BP. First world problems, I know. There will be more opportunities, I get it. It's just new for me to turn down the chance to hang out people I love/people I want to get know better. It would appear that that will take some getting used to as well.
I cannot help but wonder from time-to-time what will stay and what will go at the end of the detox. I am not worrying about it, just considering it with as much curiosity and as little fear as possible. I hope my decisions are based solely on what's best for me, with little regard for what other people think or expect of me.
Working out has gotten off to a slow start since having joined my new gym, but that's kind of the way I want it. I don't want to come out of the gates at full speed only to peter off just as I am making real strides. I went at the beginning of the week and didn't find time to go the rest of the week because of a few movie dates with friends (a nice excuse, I think). But, I have been doing a good job at following this fab abs February plan at home before I leave for work in the mornings, as a sort of ersatz mug of java. I missed yesterday, but I can totally make up for it today. Also, I want to work out today and tomorrow.
At any rate, readership, that's about it for what's been going on with me. Have a nice weekend!
Quick note about work before I get to the meat and potatoes: it is still a challenge but I am getting better and better at handling it. I assume this will only continue to get better, rather I'll keep getting more adept at managing at work. Which is all I need to eventually excel.
I am smack-dab in the middle of the 21-day detox (this is similar, but I found the detox I am doing in Whole Living magazine) and this past week has been riddled with food cravings. I have adjusted to not having caffeine, but I sincerely miss a good cup o' joe and have found myself gazing longingly at the various coffee machines I pass at work on a daily basis. But my life without caffeine is subtly yet noticeably better. I sleep more deeply and awake more refreshed. I have plenty of energy and can maintain focus for extended periods of time. When my concentration and energy flag, my knee-jerk, Pavlovian reaction is to want a cup of coffee. It's occurring to me now that sometimes I am just going to be tired. It's normal, especially after multiple hours of being absorbed in my work. Also - and this is a biggie - I feel so much more relaxed, I am able to let go of nagging thoughts more easily and for the first time maybe ever I often do not feel anxious at all.
The food has been, by and large, super flavorful, satisfying and delicious, which I am convinced is the only reason I am still in it. Were the food disgusting, I doubt I would have lasted a week. I will say that the meals require loads of planning and preparation and I have been scrambling to keep up with it all. I think food-planning and -prep (in addition to different and sometimes new foods) take some getting used to and it has been one of the more unexpected, trying demands of the detox.
I still eat too quickly and too much sometimes. My thought or hope is that I will learn how to manage that over time, as well. First, I think it's enough to get used to an almost-entirely-vegan, gluten-free diet.
And then there's alcohol - yeah, what should I say about alcohol? I miss it and then again I totally don't. Not drinking affords me the following securities - no hangovers ever, lower caloric intake, saves money, fewer situations that I regret or feel ashamed of in retrospect. Also, and I hate to say this, but people fucking reek when they are drinking. On the other hand, abstaining from alcohol is socially isolating. Try telling pretty much anyone that you are not drinking at the moment or that you flat out don't drink at all. 10 bucks says they look at you like this. (see confused dog)Last week I hung around for free beer Thursday at work and it was totally fine. I had fun, did not want for one drop of alcohol and enjoyed people's company - side note: depending on the person, drunk people can be downright enjoyable, save the shittily sloppy ones. But this week I have been craving whiskey so I thought it best to avoid being around alcohol all together. In the mean time, I have turned down opportunities to hang out with my Berlitz buddies and to bond with my new co-workers at BP. First world problems, I know. There will be more opportunities, I get it. It's just new for me to turn down the chance to hang out people I love/people I want to get know better. It would appear that that will take some getting used to as well.
I cannot help but wonder from time-to-time what will stay and what will go at the end of the detox. I am not worrying about it, just considering it with as much curiosity and as little fear as possible. I hope my decisions are based solely on what's best for me, with little regard for what other people think or expect of me.
Working out has gotten off to a slow start since having joined my new gym, but that's kind of the way I want it. I don't want to come out of the gates at full speed only to peter off just as I am making real strides. I went at the beginning of the week and didn't find time to go the rest of the week because of a few movie dates with friends (a nice excuse, I think). But, I have been doing a good job at following this fab abs February plan at home before I leave for work in the mornings, as a sort of ersatz mug of java. I missed yesterday, but I can totally make up for it today. Also, I want to work out today and tomorrow.
At any rate, readership, that's about it for what's been going on with me. Have a nice weekend!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)