kinda thrilling

Hey y'all, I've got a handful of interesting/pretty exciting things to share today.
First and foremost, I noticed another slight change/shift at work today. Today was the first time since I've started my new job that I can recall A) not having to look up the meanings of words nearly as much (I still do sometimes and write them down, but that's mostly because I am nerd) and B) getting more creative with sentence structure more than just isolated words. My co-worker calls it gettin funky on the mic, which was fresh and hilarious the first time I heard it. Now it's like a catchy track that you love but have heard so much on the radio, that you wish DJs would stop playing it so that you won't eventually despise it. So, basically I am getting accustomed to translating for meaning (which I think is really the crux of it all) and starting to develop a work flow. Also, I am way less stressed out.
Secondly, 21 day detox begins tomorrow! :) Rayf and I got supplies this evening, the juicer has been delivered to the kitchen at work and tomorrow is go time. I am looking forward to it.
Thirdly, I joined a super awesome gym this evening. Oh God, so so many exclamation points. And, unbeknownst to me, my company BP is a partner of theirs, SO as a BP employee I get a membership at a discounted price. But wait, y'all. As a BP employee, I don't get just any membership, I get a mothereffing premium membership. I've never had a premium anything. What's more, I pay less for my premium membership than non-affiliated members pay for a basic membership packed. PLUS I walked away with all kinds of free shit today (like a booksack; books about exercise, health and nutrition; protein supplements) and I will have access to a sauna, cardio equipment, weight lifting machines, classes and a full-on motherflipping PERSONAL TRAINER. You name it, I have access to it. Words do not do justice to how impressed, grateful and fucking pumped I am about all of this!
Anyway, long story short, I had a great day, despite having been exhausted and headachy almost all day. I will of course write more tomorrow, but for now I have to rest.

PS

Just a note about food-journaling (and a personal reference for the next month):
"Track what, when, and where you eat, as well as how you feel before, during, and after. This heightens your awareness and transforms your relationship with food."

detox

Tomorrow won't be the official start of the detox, but it's ok. It doesn't so much matter when we start (got my super-boo joining and supporting me! I'm a lucky gal, it's true). What's more important is getting our ducks in a row and having each others' backs, I think.
Anyway, it is recommended that you write down five things that the detox means to you and what you hope to achieve, so I couldn't think of a better platform for doing that:
1) This detox means answering my body's call for more attention and care. I hope that this detox will give me a clearer idea of what my body wants and needs.
2) I haven't been feeling my best for what feels like too long. I hope I come out feeling lighter and more energetic.
3) I have been ignoring some of the signals my body sends me about possible food allergies. May this detox make it so that that is no longer possible.
4) Self-doubt has been clouding my resolve. I hope this detox will fan the flames that is my desire for optimum health.
5) I want to make sure that I am looking no where else but within for love and happiness. If I find them externally, excellent; but, I don't want to need external validation for either of those things. May this practice somehow connect me with the love and happiness I already have in me.

The detox also recommends keeping a food journal, so if it's not too tedious for you readership, I'll use this bloggy as a platform for that, as well. I will start tomorrow.
Oooh, this is exciting ... looking into joining a new gym tomorrow. It's very close to where I work and offers cardio equipment AND classes all in one spot. That's the best of both worlds, of course. We'll see ... like I've said, feeling good about shit. And the fact that I can say that without hesitation makes me immensely happy, grateful and proud of how far I've come.

waiting for the drop

And I ain't talkin about no goddamn dubstep. I just sent an e-mail to my roommate letting him know that I've decided to move out. I am pretty sure he'll be pissed but I am also just as sure that I don't give a fuck. Living situations don't work out all the time, and this just happens to be one of those times. I am truly sorry it didn't work out, mainly because now it means I have to move. A new co-worker has a place that is coming available in less than a month (during the shortest month of the year), which is sooner than the amount of notice I am supposed to give (which is a whopping and not-totally-surprisingly unreasonable 3 months). I told my roommate that I did not want to stay until April or May, that I am more than willing to help him find someone to take my place and that it shouldn't be too difficult to find someone willing to move in soon. This was my attempt at imploring him to be reasonable (and human) about all this, since I recently witnessed how he kind of wasn't with the other roommate who just moved out without giving 3 months notice. So, yeah ... waiting to see how it turns out.
Tomorrow (hopefully) marks the beginning of the detox I want to do. Here's to a successful flush!
Also, here's to getting a bike some time next week!
I am thinking about joining a new gym, also. This one is very close to my new company and it would allow me access to cardio equipment, which is awesome for times like now when it is fucking frigid outside. We'll see how that goes, as well.
Also, here's to a(nother) productive week at work.

I know what that thing is ...

The thing that needs to change is my attitude. I think overall I have a great attitude, but I still have some super negative thought patterns and beliefs running around upstairs. Also, there are some self-nullifying ideas that I want to let go of ... like when I am feeling gross, instead of calling myself gross, I want to get some exercise. Or meditate. Or journal. Or go for a walk. Anything but reinforce these cruel words that I have been internalizing since my childhood. I am not a child any more and I don't want to live the way I did then now. And I am the only person capable of doing something about it. Not only that, but I happen to believe that Sarah D is particularly capable of taking good care of herself (I don't normally do this referring to myself in the third person thing, but that sentence was sounding pretty jacked up in my head without it).
What's more, I think it's in my best interest to not let other people's negativity get to me. I can't always help being around it, but I can help how it makes me feel. I can also stop letting it dictate how I think about myself. Some people are just assholes ... it's really not my problem and I am tired of letting things like that get to me.
Like I keep saying, baby steps. But god dammit, I deserve to love myself and be happy and I see it as my mission that I have both of those things.

holy mother

So, I have been feeling gross for the past couple of days. Been feeling very compressed and heavy in my belly. I lifted up my shirt to survey the damage and sweet God in heaven if it doesn't look like I've put on 10 pounds since I last checked. Sad sad sad face, readership.
Something has got to change ...

forecast for tonight: dark

I hate to admit this, but this new job has made it impossible to ignore how paranoid I can be. Other than a fleeting annoyance that I don't automatically already know all the ins and outs, I am pretty sure nobody is hawkeyeing me and taking note of every single fuck up. Actually, most everybody seems to be crazy busy and, therefore, doesn't have time to do such a thing. Also, nobody cares, because I am pretty sure I am expected to be kind of a hot mess right now (that and it's not like I am the CEO). Not to mention, me worrying about somebody watching my every move wouldn't stop them from doing it were they already so inclined. *ahem, current creepazoid roomate, I am looking at you*

Anteeway readership, we've reached that point in the day, in which I eat and think like vegetables. Until next time, children -- which prob won't be tomorrow considering it's our favorite day of the week, Free Beer Thursday. Some people work for the weekend. I work for Free Beer Thursday. Friday evening through Sunday are just lagniappe.